The Importance of Mothers: The Work Nobody Sees

Ask anyone why mothers matter and you'll get a long answer. Most of it is about the things you can see: feeding, comforting, getting everyone out the door on time. A lot of what mothers do never makes that list.

The work in your head

Knowing the vaccination appointment is next Tuesday. Noticing the baby has outgrown their clothes again. Remembering that the nappies are almost gone. This planning runs all day, and because nobody sees it, nobody thanks you for it either.

It's often called the mental load. You don't need the term to recognise it. If you're the one who always knows where the spare dummy is, you know what it means.

Why it matters for your child

A baby learns about the world through the people who look after them. Your voice, your face, the way you pick them up. That is where trust starts. It's one of the reasons the importance of mothers is hard to overstate, and also the reason mothers need looking after themselves.

Share it

Being important doesn't mean doing everything alone. Write down what you keep track of and split it with your partner. Let your mother or a friend take over for an afternoon. Small things help: someone else does the bath, someone else goes to the shops.

Carrying works the same way. A baby carrier is for dads too. The Solace Carrier has adjustable shoulder straps and waist belt, so your partner can take the baby for a walk while you drink a cup of tea that's still hot.

To every mother reading this

You probably won't get a medal for remembering the vitamin D drops. You do matter, a lot. And asking for help is part of doing it well.